Archive for March, 2010


March 7, 2010

I rarely post anything here, mostly because most of what I write is too personal and I feel it is too soon to put it out into the world.

Last summer I wrote and posted a sum up of what I have been going through, my struggle. It was really hard to do, but I was proud of myself. Talking about it is the first step, right? Well a few months ago someone I had started seeing came across that without my knowledge and I got sick. Its not something I like telling people really. In fact I dread it, but I realized I am not ready for some things to be out in the world while I am still dealing with them.

That said, I feel the need to write something. I try to do so without being annoyingly vague, but at the same time without revealing too much of myself. So I will just write what I feel

I am finding it hard to breath, like someone is strangling me, or I am drowning.

In general, I am just completely overwhelmed, its hard not to just give up again. It’s hard to keep going, though.

What gets to me is that there is no clear or easy  solution. There is problem on top of problem on top of problem and they are swirled together making it hard to pick them apart, fix them separately. I am unsure of what to do so I am doing it all.

That is a heavy load to carry, I am not sure if I can handle it.