Archive for December, 2011

Did I Say That Already?

December 14, 2011

sometimes when I am well
or on the verge of sinking under again
but not quite there
i miss the madness
i miss the fear
the hate
and the crippling sadness
i never miss the uncontrollable urges
but i miss the visions
the voices though i rarely get them
the feelings and the racing thoughts
the fear.
did I say that already?
sometimes its just nice
familiar, i guess
for what I have known all my life
feels comforting
and though I need comfort from that comfort
It is all so fucking beautiful.
so I feel insane telling my friends
I miss the madness
telling my family I feel down
because I am doing so well
and my thoughts haven’t raced
and my skin hasn’t crawled
and no one is attacking me
in my mind.
so I keep it inside
and it drives me mad.
drives me back to the madness that I missed so much
for while it feels like it is killing me sometimes
it is all so fucking beautiful

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The Third Act

December 11, 2011

The plot doesn’t have to make sense
the characters, the villains blend together
they stretch and weave around the room
they evolve and move with every third breath
becoming something slightly different each time
increasingly frightening
ever so slowly
and i pause
i want to stop breathing.
i want my life to be over at this moment because while it might be fleeting
while these villains may disappear at sunrise
the alternative to living this out
sounds a lot better than this fear