beauty

tonight i am beautiful
reclaiming the word
you told me while i cried
the morning after you climbing through the window
and took my pants off
but way before the rock was thrown.

my door unlocked
you let yourself in
to climb into my bed
to kiss me
and touch me
and make me weep

“don’t cry”
you said
“you  are beautiful”

as if that would make up for unwanted touches
as if that would confuse me enough to think that you were good
nice
kind

and not someone who would take my body a week later
and not someone who would hurt me
and laugh at me
get mad at me for running

i curse you
still
i blame it all on you
but tonight
I am beautiful

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